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Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Thoughts To Remember
One of the things that I accepted as part of my responsibility when choosing to adopt transracially was to educate myself as much as possible. To that end, I follow half a dozen blogs of adult transracial adoptees. Sometimes they're hard to read, but they're always informative.

One of the blogs I follow is written by Paula. I so admire these bloggers because they are often blasted by fearful adoptive parents for their thoughts. Sometimes what they say isn't easy to process. And sometimes what they say sparks a little fear in my heart, too. I know that we will not be perfect parents, but I also know that we will do whatever it takes to give Sera a good life. After that, I can only hope that our best was good enough.

I read this post by Paula last week and wanted to share it with you. I heard from her today giving me permission to share it with you.

Twenty-Three Things This Korean-Adoptee Thought About as a Child

1. That many times I was embarrassed and ashamed of my birth culture because it was so profoundly different than that of my family and my friends. That too often it served as an easy and irresistible source of teasing and fodder for others - strangers and classmates alike.

2. That despite my parent's unconditional love for me, I couldn't help but feel that I was the last option for them to finally have children.

3. That phrases like "Thank God we can always adopt" or "Well, at least there's a world of unwanted children we can adopt from since we can't have kids of our own" only fed into my belief that adoption truly is, for virtually all couples, the very last resort by which to create a family.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's an excellent and valid point, that "second-best" feeling. My husband always had it, and he WASN'T from a racially mixed family.

Assuming that we do adopt, someday, I will be able to tell my children that I planned to adopt even before I planned to have biological children, because I've always somehow known that there is at least one child of my heart waiting to be found, and that child won't share genes with any of us. I hope that, whenever this happens, he or she believes me.

Blogger Magi said...

I know what you mean, Kate. I decided in high school that I'd adopt someday, and I talked about it on and off throughout my adult life. The odds were stacked against me fertility-wise, but to be honest, I never pursued fertility treatment. I hope that Sera never feels second-best, but if she does, I hope she can talk to me about it.

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