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Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker
Monday, May 07, 2007
The First Time's the Hardest. Right? UPDATED, NOW WITH PICTURES
It finally happened. We all knew this day would come. I didn't expect it to come so quickly, or with so little advance warning. Jim went out and played 18-holes on the golf course yesterday while Sera and I played at home. We had talked about going to see Spider-man 3 over the weekend with Doug & Laura and their boys, but didn't. They had to go Friday night as their babysitter, Laura's mom & dad, were heading out on Saturday for a cruise. We have a list of volunteers to babysit Sera, but she didn't nap on Friday. I wasn't anxious to leave her in the first place. Add a lack of nap and the fact that the baby sitters all lived about 20 minutes to our east and the movie theater is 30 minutes to our west and it was a no brainer to not go. I told Jim to go on without me, but he wouldn't. We just scrapped the idea and moved on.

Well, while Jim was golfing, Laura called and volunteered to watch Sera while we went to the movie. Their house is about 10 minutes from the theater, plus her kids are great entertainment and would distract Sera. I mentioned it to Jim when he got home, but more as an idea for later in the week. Next thing I know he's gone on-line, bought tickets, and is calling Laura to say we're on our way. We had 45 minutes to get me dressed, Sera dressed, pack a diaper bag, drive about 25 minutes to their house, and then 10 minutes to the theater. It's probably best that I didn't have more time. This didn't give me time to think.

Even though Sera knows them all, and I knew she'd be fine, leaving her was still the hardest thing. We went straight back to their house after the movie. Jim walked in ahead of me. He said that she just looked at him for a second as if she was wondering who else was coming in the house. Then recognition clicked and she reached for him. I was right behind him. When she saw me, she reached for me. She went back and forth between us for a few rounds before settling in with me. The whole time she just kept smiling and laughing. She kept patting my chest and rubbing my arm. This made me realize that she hadn't done that in a long time. She did both, a lot, that first week or two we had her. It's almost like she has to keep checking to see if I'm real. To keep reassuring herself that we're there and not going anywhere.

Laura & Doug said that she was very quiet for the first half hour or so. They put her in a wagon with their 3-year-old, Kyra, and her 3-year-old cousin, Joshua, and went for a walk. At home, they had a whole play area with toys set up for the kids. They took lots of pictures, and it's obvious that she had a good time.

As hard as it was for all three of us, I think it was important for Sera to learn that even if we go away, we're coming back. The fact that she was so happy, she was almost giddy to see us let me know that she wasn't sure she would. She's had so many changes in her short life that I have to wonder what she was thinking when we left. She'd been to that house and she knows Laura and Doug and their children. Did she think she was visiting, or did she think she was going to a new home? I don't know. I do know that we were all happy to be together again.

Doug is going to email the pictures to me. I'll post when I get them.

Hitting the wagon trail with Kyra and Josh

We don't need no stinkin' bottle

Don't tell mommy and daddy, but I'm having fun here

Would you like a puff?

How about you?

You can have a puff, too. Can't leave anyone out.

Uncle Doug is kinda cool.

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Blogger Jim McClain said...

And Mommy cried in the car on the way to the theater. It was so sweet!

Anonymous Sandra said...

You are right; Sera needs to know that you will always come back. You did a great thing for her and for yourself. But yes, it is still hard and yes, the first time is the hardest!

Blogger Timothy said...

she was so sweet when you came back...didn't that just melt your heart?

Blogger Timothy said...

ok...this is weird....I am now timothy???

this is Marcia...I don't know why blogger has me in here right now on my own computer as timothy...could this mean something bad???


Blogger C.J. said...

Who know what exactly went through that little mind but seeing that you always come back certainly will build that trust over time.

I bet you paid no attention to the movie, mom ;0)

Blogger Kate said...

Okay, two things... one, good for you, going out. I think that is SOOOO important... and the sooner you do it, the easier it is on everyone. Waiting until the kid is five means horror and trauma... for everyone.

And two... I really hate to say it, and I truly hope I'm wrong. But in my experience... sometimes the second time is actually the hardest. The first time they're sort of blithely ignorant about the whole scene, and they don't realize you're leaving until you're gone. The second time, and sometimes the third too, they'll cry as you start to leave. This does NOT mean that the sitter beats them or they'll be scarred for life... it just means they're learning. And that they're healthily attached and loving their parents. It's good. Honest.

So. Not to scare you, just didn't want to leave a potential shock there for next time. Go out again! It's good for kids to reunite with their parents! That nice-to-see-you-again hug is the best kind.

Blogger ChupieandJ'smama said...

The first time is the hardest, but for me it's always hard. My hubby and I don't go out much, we should do go out more, but I just hate leaving my boys. They're fine with it, it's me that's basket case.

Blogger Stacy said...

I'm so glad it went well for Sera. How sweet she rubs your arm. I hope you enjoyed at least some of the movie and didn't worry. :)

Blogger Jacquie said...

Hey! I don't get to comment often, but I still read all the time. Anyway, way to go Brave Mom. You're my idol. :)

Blogger Tammie said...

Going out the first time is harder on us than it is on the children. No matter who is watching them, we're not too secure. I remember thinking "is she okay?" "is she hungry?" "is --- changing her diaper on time?" Duh. The person who watched Erin that 1st time is the same person who was watching her from 8:30 am - 5:00 pm. Needless to say, everything else was taken care of. I didn't watch one second of the movie - whatever it was."

The 2nd time may be harder for Sera but she will learn that mommy & daddy always come back.

Congrats on taking this hard step!

Oooh, well am I impressed! Like Jacquie said, you are now my idol.;)

Seriously though, well done. It was not easy with my first 2 but I am totally not looking forward to the first time leaving P3 because to me, it will be totally different. You may have to spur me on when the time comes.
And kudos to Super Daddy for taking the bull by the horns and going for it!!

Blogger Jim McClain said...

Uncle Doug is kinda cool...for a LOSER!

Blogger Marcia said...

Cute pix!


Anonymous Wendi said...

Brave Mama! I haven't had the heart to leave Megan yet. My mil took her to play in the nursery on Sunday. I lasted about 5 minutes and then I had to go check on her. I know the sooner we leave her the better it will be for her... not Mama!

Blogger Colleen said...

HA! Do you remember anything about the movie?? I guess this is the stuff you have to do. Build trust...and remain a strong "couple". I am sure it was so hard for you.

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